16 things I am thankful for after the death of our daughter

On the afternoon of October 26th a little past 7pm, my daughter of 16 days passed away and my whole world changed forever. It has been almost two months since her death and not a day goes by that I don't think of her. It is a crazy thing to say I am thankful for anything after such a horrible tragedy, but God has shown my family and me the importance of gratitude when everything is caving in around you. Here are 16 things(in no particular order) I am thankful for since the death of our daughter Chiara. I am not a writer, just warning you. My wife usually edits my work but this one was on my own....here it goes.

16) A Softened Heart

• Our daughter did a number on me as a man. I remember shortly after Chiara's birth posting a picture of her and one of our friends commenting that she already had me wrapped around her finger. I denied it at the time but looking back at the time I had with her she changed me for the better. She made my heart softened and for that I am thankful.....I mean look at those cheeks!
  

15) Family

• Our family is amazing. I told my wife that it is hard to imagine going through a tragedy without a faith and without family. Luckily we had both. They were there to cry, laugh, bring a meal, or just sit. We are indebted to them for a long time. 

14) The memories of our Daughter

• Although Chiara only lived 16 days we have a lot of memories, and for that I am so thankful. I will never forget her birth, or holding her for the first time, or seeing Dominic hold her for the first time or her sleeping on my chest, or the last time I ever held her. These memories will never leave me, these are the memories I cherish and am so thankful for. 
  

13) Doctors

• Doctors don't often get enough credit for the successes and far to much blame when something goes wrong. From the great doctor who delivered our sweet Chiara, to her amazing Pediatrician we were so blessed to have phenomenal people care for our daughter. I received numerous heartfelt calls from doctors in the days following her death. I am so thankful that we are in good hands. 

12) Crying

• I am ashamed to say that I spent many years holding in my tears not crying. I had some false sense that tears were a sign of weakness in a man. Following Chiara's death the tears flowed and a lot of other very strong men I know cried with me, and for my family. Chiara taught me that crying is ok for men.....she only lived 16 days and she softened me so much!

11) A Final Reflection

• In talking with Fr. Edwin about Chiara's funeral we kept on discussing the idea of someone sharing a few words. I was in prayer when I started writing down a few thoughts about Chiara's life. By the end of my prayer time I realized the thoughts I just wrote down were the words I was supposed to share at her funeral. After that prayer time I spoke with Father Edwin and he approved of me speaking. In preparing to share a few thoughts about my daughter I couldn't ever get through my speech with out breaking down and I have not read or looked at that speech since because I immediately loose it, but that day Chiara was interceding for me hugely! It was the only time I made it through those words without breaking down and I am so thankful that she helped me give some people hope in a time of pain. If you want to read the words I spoke click here. 

10) Support

• You never really think about how many costs are associated with a tragedy, but you start to realize it very quickly. Medical bills, funeral costs, etc. The day after she died I received a text message from one of our friends saying that they were setting up a memorial fund for us to help with costs. My wife and I thought this was a very nice gesture, but little did we know, that fund would explode with donations in the days following. We are so humbled by all the donations. As a youth minister you spend most of your time giving and never really knowing if people are impacted by what you do. This showed us in a tangible way that a lot of people care about us. We are so thankful, God truly does provide. 

9) My Wife

• On July 16th, 2011 I vowed my life to Nicole Traylor. On that day we both vowed to be there for one another "for better, for worse." This was definitely the worst thing that has ever happened in our married life and I got through it because of her. She is my biggest advocate, an amazing mother, and she makes me into a better man. I am thankful for my wife in so many ways. Thank goodness our daughter has a mom like you! 
  

8) The Rosary

• The rosary was one of the only ways I could pray following Chiara's death. I remember clutching my rosary at the hospital where Chiara was born and also clutching it at the hospital after Chiara had just died. The repetitious prayer helped me get through a time when I had no words. Thanks mama!  
  

7) Community

• The community we live in rallied around our family like no community I have ever been around. My wife and I's family are both far away in distance so we really relied on our extended community and they came through for us is an unreal way. From meal trains, to prayers, to toys for Dominic this community helped us and picked us up when we were at our lowest.

6) Our Son Dominic

• Needless to say we are thankful for our son Dominic. He is adorable, fun, and crazy! He runs around the house, the yard, and preschool non stop. HE IS ALL BOY! Dominic did something for us that he will never remember or know about. He was a distraction, and a very good one at that. In the weeks following Chiara's death he gave the best hugs and kisses. He came up to your face and would say in his Dom voice "hi" then walk away. He gave my wife and I comfort when no one else could. Our two year old son took care of his parents and for that I am thankful.
  
  
  

5) A Packed Church

• I was so scared that no one would show up to the Church for Chiara's funeral. I knew that was a lie, but I was still terrified. I remember sitting in this waiting room at the Church. They hide you in a room so people don't stop you before the funeral Mass starts. I remember the funeral director walking in with Fr. Edwin and telling us it was time. I walked holding Nikki's hand  and starred straight down at the floor. I didn't want to see if people were there or not. I actually did not see how many people showed up until I gave some final words after Mass ended. I remember looking up for the first time when I stepped up to the mic and saw a packed Church. I saw teens, parents, friends, family, and they were all there to celebrate the life of my baby girl. They will never know how much that meant to my wife and I. Thanks for celebrating with us!

4) The Vocation of Priesthood

• Never before have I been so thankful for the vocation of the priesthood. My wife rode in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, while I followed in the car. Longest 10 minute drive of my life. I DO NOT condone ever texting and driving but something in my heart said text a priest as I drove. I texted my good friend and soon to be Godfather of my daughter Fr. Edwin Leonard. Little did I know that he was giving a talk to a bunch of teens at a youth group night, fortunate for me, Fr. Edwin got my message and sent another one of our friends Fr. Zach. Shortly after they pronounced our daughter dead Fr. Zach came, soon there after Fr. Edwin arrived and those two priests got us threw the hardest hours of our lives. Fr. Edwin, Fr. Zach, and countless other priests walked with us through the journey of life to death. They all help us prepare our daughter for her final resting place, and helped console us along the way. We are so thankful for these men and how they live out their vocation. 

3) The Name Chiara

• We hadn't decided on a name until the last trimester of the pregnancy. Since we didn't know the gender of the baby we finally picked out the name Chiara for a girl, and Maccabee for a boy. The name Chiara is Italian for Clare. My wife and I have a love for St. Francis and St. Clare since we both went to Franciscan University in Steubenville Ohio, which helped form us into the people we are today (any seniors in high school out there should apply). The name Chiara means to "bring light" and that little girl brought so much light into our lives and many others. So thankful that we choose a name so fitting for our baby girl. 

2) Baptism

• Nikki and I were in the waiting room where every minute seemed like an hour. The nurse came in and explained that they were still performing CPR and that things didn't look good. Nikki and I asked to see our girl so that we could Baptize her before the stopped CPR. There has been plenty of times in my life that I have taken the Sacraments for granted, but in this moment the Lord gave me immense gratitude for the Sacrament of Baptism. The nurses made room for Nikki and I, and we baptized our Chiara. Minutes later she was pronounced dead. looking back at that moment I can only thank God for placing the thought on my mind to Baptize her. Thank you for that gift Lord, and washing away the stain of original sin. 

1) The Scriptures

• I remember waiting in the hospital emergency room while they were administering CPR to Chiara. I remember holding my wife as we both wept and waited for more news. In that moment God reminded me of the Bible verse from the book of Job chapter 1, verse 21 which says, "The Lord gives, the Lord takes, blessed be the name of the Lord." My wife and I clung to this verse. I think of this verse often and we even had it put on Chiara's grave marker. Being a youth minister it is easy to speak about the Lord when things are going well. I speak to hundreds of teens every Sunday about the love of Christ, and I knew my wife and I had a choice in this tragedy. We could either turn away from God or turn to him. I pray when you go through a tragedy that you cling to the Lord. "The Lord gives, the Lord takes, blessed be the name of the Lord." I am so thankful for the Scriptures and how they comfort us in our moments of need.